I was thinking about my weight while I was working out this morning. When I was in high school and into my 20s I was always worried about how skinny I was. I was probably around 150 in high school. In my mid-20s I started really working out and went from 160 to around 180, which was my favorite weight because I really had no fat on me to speak of, but had a reasonable amount of muscle mass. I had to really work at putting on weight back then and was still worried that I was too skinny, but looking back at pictures of myself from that time, I sort of want to tell myself to snap out of it, because I looked really good.

It made me wonder if I will look back in 20 years at the 43 year old, 217 pound me that I currently perceive as a fat slob and wish I had given myself a break. Time is a funny friend.

8 thoughts on “weighty

  1. Kevin

    Weight is something that is always weighing heavy on my mind and has as long as I can remember. I am 5’6″ and 168.9 lbs.. According to my doctor I should be 150 – 155 especially since I have heart disease. I have been as heavy as 185 and then down to 160 and then yoyo back up again.
    When I mention I’m watching my weight and no thanks to dessert, people say I look fine. But when I look in the mirror I only see overweight. Maybe it’s partially being a gay guy trying to live up to our cultural expectations.

    1. Michael Harren

      yeah, Kevin. We gays have super high expectations of one another but especially of ourselves!

  2. Thom

    I have a similar story, but on the opposite side of the coin. While in high school, I was a 5’9″ male weighing over 230, which shot up to 265 after my first year of college. I have very few images of me as that size, but also few of me at my smallest/sickest, with 110 pounds lost during my second year of college from stress, depression, and railing against my body as violently as I could.

    It’s amazing how unforgiving we can be to our bodies when we are young, and I think it’s time, and an act of falling in love with ourselves, that brings peace upon the skin we are in. May you find that peace.

    I have come to terms with the body I inhabit, but have also learned the ways my body responds to what I put in it. Only time and awareness could bring me this understanding.

    1. Michael Harren

      In some moments, I do think I have that peace. Getting older is a strange process…wouldn’t it be cool if we were born knowing these things we need to learn about ourselves?

  3. Ken. Simmons

    You will not look back at 63 and think you were a fat slob if you gain another 10 pounds per decade. But you will be diabetic and have high blood pressure and bad knees. Loose it now and stay healthy.

    1. Michael Harren

      Agreed, Ken! The point I was making though was about finding comfort in my skin while I try to make the changes. 😀

    2. Ken. Simmons

      But you are so fabulous and you have green eyes which trumps all weight issues. Just think health and not “looks” because no one could make a cuter you!

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