This is such an interesting process.

And by interesting I mean, “what a pain in the ass.”

The good news is that my impending performance date is keeping me from giving up…forcing movement forward. But really, this place I have been for the past couple of weeks is kinda torturous. The collision of self-doubt and fear at the intersection of “just give up.” But move forward, I must. It’s time and I will be so happy to get to the other side of this. My friend and mentor Victoria Libertore and I were discussing this place and I feel I have been letting the archetypes of the saboteur and the victim work out their issues at the expense of my work. These voices that judge my work even before it has a moment to exist. No, thank you.

The good:

  • Super productive meeting with my director, Adam Fitzgerald. I said something unexpected during that meeting that quickly became a thesis statement for this piece. Love when that happens.
  • Some new material written yesterday. At last. Every now and then something happens when I am working and I discover something that feels like my authentic voice. It sneaks in before my judgy voices can shoot it down and then, there it is.
  • This IS the process of writing for me right now and I am engaging it and being there and yes…
  • This is happening.
  • The Alchemist is in the house.
  • I wrote music for this hysterical video quite sometime ago (in my short-lived Cubase days), my friend Matt posted for Valentimes.

(a note: I got off track with my social media stuff, so rather than play “catch up” on vlog and podcasting, I am going to continue on as if I have been doing them all along. That way there won’t be a sudden flood of material. Apologies if you have been waiting for these things.)

2 thoughts on “this is here

Leave a Reply